- Old Nigerian Proverb

Touch the World

Cats purr. Dogs wag their tails. Children snuggle in security, and people get healed. All living things respond to the simple yet miraculous touch of the human hand. So powerful is the physical touch, science has turned attention to the phenomenon. Much is yet to be understood, but research is proving what most of us already know from experience:  we feel better when we are touched.

Oxytocin is a hormone scientists have discovered that relates to human bonding. During hugging and touching, the hormone is released and, as a result, a bond between the touching people is noted. Surprising?  Not really.  From experience most of us can attest to the sense of feeling better when we get a hug. Or sensing a budding of trust with a handshake on a deal. Touch has power. Believe it.

Tokujiro Namikoshi, founder of Shiatsu massage, is a believer.  He discovered the power of healing touch as he reached out to help his mother cope with rheumatoid arthritis. Today, millions of corporate dollars are earned each year on the Shiatsu system of massage, built on Namikoshi’s belief that the pressure of the hands causes the ‘springs of life to flow.’

Jesus turned the world topsy-turvy when he touched villagers and springs of healing erupted from his hands. Thousands of people turned out from villages along the path of his ministry to become a benefactor of his miraculous touch. According to a passage in the book of Luke, ‘no matter what their diseases were, the touch of his (Jesus’) hand healed every one.’  Pretty amazing. Enough to cause blind men to leap for joy.

There is an electric power in the force of a human touch, warming both the heart from which it springs and the soul that receives and perceives it.  Audrey Hepburn once said, “As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”  Reach out with both hands today and light the world with your touch.

His Old Chair

Here I sit in his big armchair

Snuggled and cuddled in the robe he’d wear.

Maybe it’s silly to pretend he’s here,

But the sweet little game makes him seem so near.

My fingers fold around the worn chair arm

And I smile at the scene that invokes such charm

Of the nights by the fire when he sat in this chair,

Wrapped in the robe with his rumpled hair.

A woman my age playing make-believe?

Silly, of course, but it gives reprieve

To the loss I feel of my very best friend.

Oh, how I wish he were here again!

If he was, you can bet you would never hear

A harsh word from me when he’d spill his beer.

You’d never hear me fuss if he put his feet up,

Or left things around like his coffee cup.

I think I’d even laugh if he grumbled at the chores

Or huffed with impatience while I shopped in the stores.

Nothing he could do would be half as bad

As leaving me here, alone and sad.

But tonight all the memories are sweet and dear

As I sit in his chair and pretend he is near.

Tomorrow I will rise with a brand new sun

And promise myself to have some fun.

That’s what he’d want,

And I know what he would say:

“Get out of my chair and get on your way.”

From “Let Me Cry With You” by Debra Paulk

He always opened it for me.

It isn’t at all like I expected.

I’ve managed to make the long nights bearable

And I awake each morning, surprised to see the sun.

I don’t cry all day

And I am learning to laugh again.

The hardest moments have been what I used to call common ones –

Insignificant daily little things.

These are the ones with he power to flood me once again with grief.

Like yesterday when I tried to open a new jar of peanut butter.

Before I even thought about it, I called out his name,

Expecting him to walk through the kitchen door

And take the jar in his stronger hands.

And today, when I read a funny cartoon

I turned to share it with him . . . but he wasn’t there.

But I was laughing — I was laughing –

Even if only for a minute.

I don’t like this.

I don’t like it at all.

It is hard learning to live without him.

But I am managing better than I would have believed.

And I am starting to laugh again.

When I can laugh . . . I can live.

From “Let Me Cry With You” by Debra Paulk

Tears for healing

You’ve tried so hard to keep them at bay,

Thinking that you will be stronger this way.

But tears aren’t a sign of weakness, my friend.

Tears have a powerful message to send.

Tears are the waters that flow from the soul,

From the deep springs of love these care rivers roll.

So don’t be ashamed of your tears when they fall.

No, don’t be ashamed of your tears at all.

Tears rush the soul and flood out the pain,

And let your heart start healing again.

From “Let Me Cry With You” by Debra Paulk

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Peering over her reading glasses the seasoned editor observed the dewey just-out-of-college writer. She appeared confident, the editor noted.  And why not? So far, she had successfully batted back every interview question.

The enthused job seeker relaxed a little, letting her shoulders drop and body language indicate a measure of indulged confidence. Tossing her hair casually,  the young woman smiled. She had done well in the interview, and the editor seemed to like her. Working here would be nice, the young woman thought, feeling a rising ownership of the writer’s job.

“One last question”, the sagacious editor smiled warmly.  “Everything has a purpose,” quipped the canny editor, snapping the job prospect out of her briefly enjoyed daydream. “In life, everything has . . .  a reason for being,” the editor emphasized the last segment of the sentence. “Now . . . here’s your last question.” The would-be writer sat up straighter in the chair, willing her eyes to link confidently with the older woman’s crinkled soul windows.

“In the perfectly planned garden of life there are plants and trees, flowers and grasses and all kinds of growing things,” began the editor.  Each growing thing has a purpose — a reason for being in the garden. Some of the plants produce beautiful blooms or succulent fruit; some require tender care, and others seem to thrive without so much as a sprinkling of water more than a couple of times a year.” The editor paused to allow the scenario to sink in on the prospect writer. The young woman’s face was composed. Curiosity was brightening her eyes.

“In this perfectly planned garden of life,” the editor moved ahead with finality, “what kind of growing thing are you, and what is your purpose?” A beat of silence prepared the way for the closing ensemble of questions.  “What kind of care and feeding do you require; and what do you contribute to the garden?”

“What . . . what . . . kind of growing thing am I?” the interviewee echoed back, a rising panic outlining each word.  She squirmed in the uncomfortable realization that the college interview workshops had not prepared her for this question.  There had been no coaching and rehearsal for this curve-ball query. The would-be writer was forced to think on her feet — and outside the box. Which was exactly why the shrewd editor tossed the oddball concept to every job candidate.

Leaning back with a pleasant expression, the work-hardened editor put down her pencil and pad, waiting for the young woman to regain her composure. The bombshell question had its desired effect. The candidate was now rattled and off her game. How she pulled herself together and composed an effective, creative reply would determine whether or not she had the skill to handle the daily demands of a professional writer.

“I . . . I don’t . . . I’m not . . . hmm . . . let me think about this a moment,” the applicant stammered.

“No rush,” the editor soothed. “There is no right or wrong answer.” Well, thought the editor, there is one wrong comeback. No one had ever been hired who chose to be the rose. The editor deemed roses to be too prideful, thorny and care-demanding to be worth the beauty of the blossom in a garden where there was little time to stop and smell them anyway.

“In the garden of life,” the job seeker recovered nicely, “I would be an oak tree.”

“An oak tree?” the editor repeated, giving the young woman more time to spin her answer. “Interesting choice.” She leaned forward slightly, indicating interest.

“I would be an oak tree because I am an acorn in my career right now — not much to look at but I’m full of amazing potential.”  The young prospect was back on her game now, shining with enthusiasm and moving energetically into her story. “With very little care and feeding, I can put down roots and grow into an impressive tree,” the interviewee sat back — proud of her growing thing choice. “As for my purpose . . . “ she continued, “I provide a place for birds and squirrels to live, and  a welcoming shade for a visitor to the garden. I become the place people seek to rest, relax, and tell their stories.  Just a little pruning here and there when I am young is all I require.”

The editor smiled at the discovery of the oak tree inside the soul of the young writer. She would make a good hire. With a final scribble on the yellow pad, the editor stood, shook hands, and thanked the young woman for her time. “We’ll be in touch with you by the end of the week,” was the only promise offered.

As the door closed behind the budding young writer, she held up her face to the sun, calmed by the warmth.  Whether she won the job or not, she was stepping out of the publishing house more confident and aware of her innate potential. Today she had discovered she was a grand and mighty oak. Her inner acorn was ready to sprout out into a strong and sturdy tree.

Go From The Goal To Get Moving

“Do WHAT?” you may ask.  That’s right.  To be successful, start first with the VISION of what you want your  life to look like when it is at its peak. With that clarified picture foremost in your mind, work backwards to where you are right now, and then you’ll be able to chart the course to your greatest dreams.  If that sounds too confusing, use a bit of wisdom from the Bible to rephrase:  “As a man thinketh, so he is.”

Can you have anything you want if you “just believe”?  Maybe not everything, but scientific evidence continues to build in the area of mind over matter control. Biofeedback helps us lower blood pressure – just by thinking about it. Labor pains lesson with visualization. Cancer patients learn to develop vivid “fight tumor” images – and the tumors shrink. With science proving it’s a fact, why not put the concept of “vision” to work in your business?

Success is about controlling your thoughts, keeping your mind focused on a vision that you want to believe in, and developing specific goals to help you arrive at the destination you have imagined.  Visualizing your future — and believing that you can make it happen — is probably the most powerful tool you will ever use.

- Debra Paulk

– Harding Lawrence